Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
