all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
