I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
