So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
