When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You're like the curious george of whores
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
