just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize