I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
