So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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