he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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