and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
