Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
