Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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