i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
