My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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