i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
