He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
