So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
