I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
