you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
