id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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