can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My feet surprised me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
