hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
