so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
