this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
