Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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