so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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