North Korea, Best Korea!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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