She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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