Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
