i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
