you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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