I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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