i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
