Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
