nut hugger
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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