She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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