The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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