she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
