Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
