So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
