it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
