and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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