The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
