I need help removing her.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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