I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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