I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
