dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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