Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
