We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
