he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
