i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
